The home visit

Once we had attended the Adoption Focus event we decided they were the agency for us and the next step in the process was the home visit.

I have since read books and blogs where people have seriously blitzed their homes in preparation for this visit and stocked up on cakes and treats. I am not going to lie, I finished work a little early and ran the vacuum round, no fancy cakes were offered (sorry social worker). It’s not that we didn’t care or are not hospitable it simply did not cross our minds. However we did make a note for future visits.

Even though there were no treats and the house was not showroom ready the meeting went well. We were asked why we wanted to adopt, which I find an interesteing question and my answer is why not? I don’t believe adoption should be a second choice and for us it never was. Who knows if one day we might have birth children too. But for us it was as simple as there are children in the world who need a safe and secure home and we feel we can offer that.

I also wasn’t super keen on sleepless nights and nappy changing and adoption gave us the option of an older child, I’ll tell you more about adopting an older child in a later blog!

The visit lasted about an hour, the social worker looked at our home to ensure it was suitable, when you adopt you must have a separate bedroom for your child and it is preferred if you have been in your home a little while and are not planning on leaving anytime soon. We soon learnt that what is key to adopted children is routine and security, reinforcing the narrative that this is forever. Whilst you might not be living in your forever home you need to be prepared to be staying a few years as this will help your child(ren) attach and feel secure.

This home visit would be the first of many, your social worker really will become an extension of your family and will get to know you better than you know yourself. It can feel intrusive and make you questions why you have to ‘jump through so many hoops’ when you are trying to do a good thing. My advice would be don’t take it personally, the social workers need to ensure that you are fully prepared and ready as you can be for becoming adoptive parents. They need to know that you are secure financially and emotionally for the demands of a child(ren).

Always the Auntie, time to be Mommy?

Adoption is something I have always felt strongly about and to me adoption is just another way to become a parent and why bring another child into an already over populated world.

However no-one prepares you for how broody the adoption process can make you!! I guess it makes sense you spend all your time thinking about and preparing to be a parent and then you see all the little faces filled of hope and innocence and you start to really believe you could actually be a parent!

During the process I have read lots of books and blogs but have found there is limited information from a UK adopters prospective so I am writing this blog to give my take on the process. Of course each process is unique and I am by no means an expert on adoption or anything else for that matter. But I do believe it is good to share!

So let’s go back to the beginning………….

January 2020 – when Covid-19 was something that was only a problem in China!

Following personal tragedies and buying our first home, we started to think about life and the future and where we really wanted to be, adoption had been mentioned over the years but we decided this was the year we would progress from words and into action. So after an online search we found a local agency and registered for their next information event.

As soon as we pulled into the car park we were greeted with happy smiling faces who directed us to parking spaces, ticked our names of a list and gave us name badges and a registration form. We were surprised to see so many people there but also reassured, there is something about safety in numbers. I immediately began creating little stories in my head about these other people and wondering what had brought them here. But meeting new people is not something I am great at so apart from a few ‘hellos’ we kept ourselves to ourselves.

There were no awkward introductions and the event began with a really insightful presentation in which reasons why children needed adopted families were explained and we were also shown a cartoon about adoption from the children’s perspective.

It was a little surprising to hear that most children are not relinquished as the TV shows and films would have us believe but are removed for their own safety and most birth parents are against the adoption process. Also surprising was the impact removal from the birth family can have on the children. It was a real educational experience.

We were given the opportunity for a 1:1 chat with a social worker after the formal presentation ended. We took this opportunity mainly because everyone else did, and we didn’t want to be ‘that couple’ and look uninterested. It was useful to have that chat it gave us the opportunity to ask questions about the process and the agency. Choosing your adoption agency should be given thought as these people will be a part of your lives for many years to come. It is important you feel comfortable with your agency, choosing a smaller agency made us feel more like part of a family and less like just another couple which was important to us.